Solitude

“Loneliness”, a feeling that scares me like hell … One might wonder how this scares. Yes, it does indeed, at least me. This brings all genres of ghosts to my mind in the form of memories, the good, the bad, the ugly and the best moments I had. There are times when it sort of pulls at your heart in such a sad, blue, painful, gut wrenching sort of way. This is haunting me from months and now it’s even more than never and not sure how long it persists.

One of the first recorded uses of the word "lonely" was in William Shakespeare's Coriolanus, Act IV Scene 1. This tells, it existed way back in different forms. Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude.

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people have times when they are alone through circumstances or choice. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness does not require aloneness and is often experienced even in crowded places. It can be described as the absence of identification, understanding or compassion. **

Loneliness is of two kinds, (1) Emotional Loneliness (2) Social Loneliness.
I speak about “Emotional Loneliness” coz this is what everyone undergoes at some point of life more than the second one, irrespective of reasons. Emotional Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to be with someone whom you love / like or who loves / likes you for ever. Many times I wonder what it is about humans that just can’t allow people to lead one’s life of their choice, always poking their nose troubling them, separating them, making lives miserable just for the heck of their selfish, foolish and immature thoughts. I am no exception to this. At times, I feel, my efforts were not strong enough to overcome them for which I am into this emotional seclusion.

Feeling alone can be a healthy emotion and, indeed, choosing to be alone for a period of solitude can be enriching, but the experience of loneliness is always an unbearable feeling of separateness, rejection, hopelessness, unworthiness, anxiety and resentment at a profound level. Hence, I mentioned, Loneliness is not the same as being alone. One has to come out of this feeling before it lasts longer, because it eats the life, nope, “beautiful life” which we cannot get back later …

** - Paragraph taken from Wikipedia

Sultry Chennai Summer

Always heard of the sufferings people have with sultry Chennai summer since my childhood. With the tendency human beings possess to lead a cool life in summer, I always stayed away from Chennai and used to feel happy for not coming this place after hearing my friend’s “Happy” time in Chennai Summer … May be their curse or HE wants me to learn from the “Hot and Sultry” sufferings, I was transferred to Chennai on 3rd of April, 2009. Things happened so fast that I started to Chennai on April 5th, 2009 (Sunday) and reached Chennai city Railway Station by 9 P.M.

For some reasons not known, most of the railway porters were busy with their duties, so I had to become a porter for my baggage to come out of station. I was literally sopping in sweat by the time I was out of station and I think that was the initial phases of my HOT life in this city. Two things which my friends warned me about this place and even I am aware of through some books are (i) Auto-rickshaws and local taxis do not use the meter and (ii) Language problem. Having known this, I was looking to book a prepaid taxi and to my surprise I could not find this facility in City Railway Station of one of India’s four metropolitan cities. Managed to get a local taxi (grand old Ambassador car) to the house of my childhood friend after 20 minutes of continuous bargaining with the driver when both settled for 200/- to Kodambakkam, one of the places which ends with *** bakkam.

My “hot” life became hotter day by day and now it’s “hottest” in May. I moved near to office from Kodambakkam with the intention to get up @ 6 am and be in office by 7 am to overcome this heat. Though not always, at times even I belong to one of the members of “Lazy” set and get up late. Office is just a 20 min walk from my room, but when I reach there I look as if I’ve not taken a bath more than 2 days, that’s the kind of feeling one gets. Having washed my face so many times in a day, I feel like am removing a layer of skin coz of this stickiness and humidity present in the humid air. My woe continued and I am struggling with this life here which is literally like a furnace.

Only hope keeping me little happy is that I am supposed to travel back to Bangalore by 16th May, 2009 and continue working from there … This is the only oasis seen in this desert but am not too excited as things never go in my way usually. So, until and unless my return to Bangalore is confirmed by the manager who’s having a relaxed and cool life there am busy here in wiping out the sweat rolling down from my forehead and cheeks ….